I wish I could scream

I wish I could scream from the top of my lungs a deep blood curling scream that would make even the toughest person jump, but I can’t, I open my mouth ready to let it out but nothing comes out. I cant keep bottle ling up my feelings because its driving me crazy my parents ask me watts wrong and all I do is smile up at them and say nothing I’m fine just a little tired, I am tired but not for the reasons they think, I’m tired of the lying, I’m tired of the anger, I’m tired of the pain, I’m tired of the dumb things, I’m tired of the craziness, I’m tired of hiding what I really feel. I try to protect my sisters and my brothers I try to keep them going so that they don’t start feeling defeated but they are growing up and meeting new people, I’m afraid they will stop caring about what I say, that they are going to do what they see other people do just to fit in even if I tell them fitting in dose not mater and that their lives mite be short lived if they follow the example of gang members. I try to help my parents as much as I can though lately I have been feeling like its not even worth it, like maybe I should stop trying to help those who don't want to be helped so that I can move on with my life once and for all. I hope some day someone can help me understand what is going on because I'm not sure how much longer I can take this, I don't know if I will ever feel better. When I close my eyes I remember when I was just a little girl, careless, happy and free, I never had to worry about anything or take care of anybody, and all I would think about were toys and games, when they would ask me what I want to be when I grew up I would answer a doctor or a nurse. I was so set on that, but now sitting here and remembering I noticed how naive I was, how I thought everything would be so easy and fast, when in reality it’s difficult and takes allot of time. Nothing is ever easy I know that now I learned it the hard way, I was pushed to grow up and take on a responsibility that shouldn’t have been mine but now it is and I have to assume that responsibility as hard as that responsibility mite be. I just hope that will be enough to keep my family together.