Inside My Head

Yesterday I realized how tired I was because I started hearing people screaming my name or maybe it was my self screaming from the inside. I always have to pretend I am fine but I am not fine I always worry about things I shouldn’t worry about, and I get stressed out over what to do to help and how to do something to help without having stop going to school. It’s not easy to see your parents fighting over different possibilities on what to do with their children, they have even considered sending us to live with aunts and uncles that live in different places, my brothers and sisters wouldn’t like that neither would I, we wouldn’t be happy, yes I am planning on moving soon but that’s different I can come visit every day and I can call them, but if they send us away that would be almost impossible I am only one person I cant divide my self in two though I wish I could, things would be much easier. My parents always tell me everything will be fine but at this point I don’t believe them anymore so many things have happened this year that I’ve learned not to get my hopes up. I feel like someone is trying to hurt my family out of revenge for something I did to them even if I don’t know what that thing is, I wish I could remember if their was something I ever did to someone that would be so bad that they want to get revenge now and will not stop at any cost to get it and make my life a living hell. The thought of it has me paranoid to the extent that now I think everyone is spying on me and I always feel like they are following me around, I can’t trust anybody anymore, not my family nor my friends not even my self. I talk to myself sometimes trying to find the answers hidden on my very soul, I know it sounds crazy but it’s the truth and I’m not the only one that dose it I’ve seen other people do it when they think they are alone, the thing is that I’m so quiet it takes people time to finally notice me. And then theirs the shadows, I’m seeing shadows move around, I could be reading or watching TV and all of a sudden I see something dart around the room out of my periphery vision it sends chills up my spine. I tried to tell my parents once they looked at me weird so from now on I’m not going to tell them anything anymore and risk them putting me in the loony bin.